Blurry Lights
by FreakGenius
Summary: I never figured our first kiss would end like this. With me jogging through this damn storm to find her and tell her how I feel, I don't know if I should even try though, she's leaving for Cali in two days anyway... with that damn boyfriend.. Oneshot
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Hints of femslash. Just a little though.**

Blurry lights. Was it always so disorienting in the city? So absolutely chaotic that every flitting little image brought only added stress and nervous anxiety? Sent a quivering skip through your heart so intense you nearly choked from it? Did it make your palms break out in sweat and make your brow glisten in only more signs of your distress?

Probably not. But of course those many things were not the result of confusing imagery. The very core of my distress and scattered mind. Frazzled me to the point of miscomprehension of everything around. No. The city didn't shake me like this. Didn't grip me in so suffocating a grip that I could hardly breath despite the heaves I'm pulling in with every hurried step I take in the soaked streets I now walk. It's not the source behind the deafening pounding of my heart that echoes through my head ever louder than the roaring rain pelting my skin to the point of pain. It's not the reason why I can still feel perspiration on my flesh in spite of the trembling sheet of water I wear as a second skin. This confusing and ever living city is not the reason why I feel so deathly alive yet so completely shallow.

This city didn't change me. It didn't maim me to the point of uselessness. It didn't blind me of the heartache that lurks so hungrily in the dark. But it brought me here. Soaking wet in a thunderstorm searching every store and building not even minding the loss of sensation in my fingers from the absolutely unforgiving chill that came with the stupidity of not bringing a jacket. The city brought me here. To the diner blocks away from my house, absolutely quiet and absolutely peaceful but that's probably because I can't comprehend anything past Her.

The impossibly pristine figure standing in the middle of a rainbow of moving blurs. Her eyes are terrified. A looming darkness hovered in them. The hairs on the back of my neck flexed having already been standing from the coldness outside. My hands itched with familiar perspiration. I didn't like that look.

She twitches an unbelieving sound. Too short to even be deemed a snort and too void of joy to be labeled a laugh for her eyes... those penetrating eyes stare unknowingly into my very soul. Telling me. Caressing me. Teasing me as they whisper the inevitable I hadn't even considered.

_'We can't be together'_

But I, the foolish woman that I am I don't take the warning or simply ask company to the bathroom to dry off. For I've walked blocks in pouring ice to find her. I'd lost my phone in the process and the feeling in four of my fingers. I'd be damned if I let her go now without finally saying my piece after she'd stolen so much of my heart without even so much as a twitch of knowledge.

And so with droplets still falling through my vision I pull together what little intelligence I could muster with those disarming eyes watching my every move and I manage to quiver: "You ran out on me."

Her eyes. Those deep emerald eyes. They dim with her burdening guilt and hiding pity as she shifts her gaze down. Avoiding me as much as she can with me standing right there. I can feel it. This terrible lead in the air we share and it only tells me what I know will happen yet I still stand here, waiting for her to say it.

"Sorry." she mutters much lower than a whisper but I catch it before an angry slash of lightening flashes outside. Her face lights in a way I can only describe as inhuman for no mortal could ever pull of this beauty. The deep thunder that follows is like a rumbling growl. Yet another, insistent warning for me to leave before it happens.

But I don't, for the life of me I can't retreat and the only movement I can manage when I lift my leadened feet is a grueling step toward her and the greedily inevitable disaster I'm so foolishly bringing upon myself. "Do you regret it?" I ask as I feel my fingers ball up into fists, I barely register the intense shivers running through me for I'm dead set on hearing what she has to say. But as expected I don't get an answer and merely get a shamed shifted stare in trade and as she looks away from me I almost laugh derisively at myself for _honestly_ believing I'd finally get some kind of trust from her; a moment of unbridled trust, not even that... a moment of _microscopic _trust that would allow her to grant me with at least a yes or no answer to my many, many questions. All of which I'd held in... all but this one. And yet I'm still left with no answers.

"I'm sorry." she repeats to the ground but to a different prospect entirely, utter guilt twists her words and I can only struggle against my own lungs for they decide that breathing isn't so important anymore.

I feel my face contort in distasted frustration and I bite the need to scoff at my sole stupidity. "You seem quite regretful to me." her stare returns to me after what feels like eternity, pleading for me to understand but I crush my eyes shut, the only smart thing I'd done to protect myself from her disarming charm ever since we'd met. "I love you." I don't dare open my eyes for I know I'd only see pity screaming back at me; guilted, unforgiving, pity that would roil in the form of sadly smoldering emerald gems. I don't expect a reply. I don't _want_ one even if I do crave it.. I don't want it, for I know what it would be. I only searched so long to tell her what I felt, anyhow.

It's only when my back is to her do I allow my lids to lift. My gaze remains to the cheaply tiled ground of the diner as I slowly start my trek back. Back to that apartment. Where the most euphoric event transpired. The moment her heavenly lips finally, _finally_ graced me with a taste of the salvation I'd been craving for so long. I would never forget it. And I would never regret it, but I suddenly realize I can't go back there. For that damned place also marks the moments that lead to this; the desperate denial spilling from her lips the moment we parted, the panic flashing in her orbs as she practically sprinted for the door, to this rewardless voyage to the woman I love only to witness just how much the feelings weren't returned. She was moving to California with _him_ anyway.

Her searing touch grasps around my iced wrist and tugs me harshly back. Once again I'm in heaven when her lips find my frozen mouth. The world falls away, though admittedly there wasn't much left to fall for my eyes were only for her... always only for her. Everything I existed for would _always_ be only for her. I lift my hands to grab her cheeks in desperation, once again fooling myself into thinking that if I held her here just a little longer she'd stay. Stay with ME and not her oh so perfect Mr. lawyer man.

Her lips are ambrosia, tasting sweeter than the most pure honey that could be brewed. The enthralling smell of her conditioner sends my head reeling and the way her hands wrap around my waist almost makes me melt. I almost forget that I'm nearly frozen. As her godly lips massage my own I focus every single fiber into burning this moment into my memory. Every breath, every clutch, every whimper; I must remember it. For despite the sweet embrace she has upon my mouth I can taste the utter heartache upon my tongue, burning my pallet in the most bitter flavor I'd ever tasted. But I CAN'T taste it... not yet.. not with this wonderful mouth on me. And it makes me want to keep her here that much longer, for I know all too well that the moment she releases me, that looming and lurking flavor will hit me.

She rocks her lips away from mine, replacing the contact with that of her forehead against my own. My eyes are closed, refusing to budge and absolutely reluctant to open up to reality. "I'm not going to get another one of those am I?"

I still don't open my eyes, I don't need to because the feel of her shaking her head against me is all the hurt I can manage without falling apart. I'd done it again... I'd let her entrance me.. and the tingling against my mouth let known that I was ALREADY addicted to her lips.

"I'm s-"

"Don't." I grit, eyes crushing tighter shut against the shattering agony in my gut. "just stop with the sorry's... I can't take another one."

She sighs, fanning warmth upon my frozen flesh and my eyes finally open to her piercing pools of sage. "You know I love you, right?"

I feel the pitiful scowl shaping my features, "Not like you love him..."

She tries to hide the pitying look by dropping her lids. "Will you see me off?" she changes the subject. To my relief too, another second wasted speaking of him and I would surely burst. And I had only mentioned him for a second... oh how I detest him.

"You know I can't do that..." watch her walk through that gate hand in hand with the man I'd never be for her? Watch him kiss her on those lips and realize he'd be able to do it much longer than I ever could? Stand there and witness that plane take her swiftly out of my miserable life and into her happy one with _him_?

No.

I'd sooner slit my own throat than watch that.

She drops her steadying hands from my waist, my gentle grasp upon her face is what keeps me from stumbling. "I won't forget you." she murmurs to me... the low quirk of her face sends her breath straight across my throat. The resulting shiver is hidden behind the other shivers coaxed from my walk in the rain. It doesn't matter how long I'd make her stay, she'd never be mine. I'd never be graced the privilege of waking to her sleep ridden eyes every morning, listening as she told me how her day went. At least not as her lover. For I've witnessed it plenty of times as her faithful best friend. Nothing more.

Never anything more.

And when she stops at the glass diner door to give one final glance my way with those heavy eyes I have to look away, for she didn't have to say it for me to hear it loud and clear in her expression:

_'Im sorry.'_

**xx**

**Another random writing I found floating around, never finished it until now though.**


	2. Petition

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

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